


Hold On For One More Day

by realityisoverrated



Series: Infinite Love [31]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Polyamory, Polyfidelity, Smoaking billionaires, Suicide Attempt, Toliver, flommy, olicity - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-07-12 04:48:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7086142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/realityisoverrated/pseuds/realityisoverrated
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A long held secret is brought up at brunch and Thea wants answers from her brothers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold On For One More Day

**Author's Note:**

> This story depicts a polyamorous relationship between one woman and two men. If this is not something you are interested in, please stop and go no further.
> 
> This installment is about an adolescent's suicide attempt. Please don't read if you think there might be a chance that this will be a trigger for you.
> 
> Thank you for all of your kudos, wonderful comments and thoughtful questions. 
> 
> I'm not telling this series in chronological order. Some readers have requested that I provide a chronological order for the fics in the series. There is no need to read them in chronological order, but in case you'd like to the list is below.  
> 1\. Beautiful Stranger (Part 28)  
> 2\. The First Time (Part 1)  
> 3\. The Italian Restaurant (Part 3)  
> 4\. Do The Hustle (Part 21)  
> 5\. Wherever You Are, There I Am (Part 8)  
> 6\. Perfect (Part 16)  
> 7\. Practical Jokes and Other Misunderstandings (Part 14)  
> 8\. Cobble Hill (Part 4)  
> 9\. House Warming (Part 15)  
> 10\. 30 (Part 30)  
> 11\. Twenty Questions Over Brunch (Part 11)  
> 12\. Hildy (Part 5)  
> 13\. Burgers & Lies (Part 9)  
> 14\. You Say You Want A Revolution (Part 22)  
> 15\. Look Me In The Eye And Make Me Feel The Truth (Part 12)  
> 16\. Fight Night (Part 20)  
> 17\. Into Thin Air (Part 17)  
> 18\. It’s Just Like Falling (Part 27)  
> 19\. Will You Still Love Me, Tomorrow? (Part 7)  
> 20\. Life With The Arrow (Part 23)  
> 21\. Up All Night (Part 6)  
> 22\. Welcome Home (Part 10)  
> 23\. Better Than Chocolate Chip Banana Pancakes (Part 24)  
> 24\. Home Is Where You Are (Part 2)  
> 25\. Somebody Get A Hammer (Part 26)  
> 26\. Three (Part 13)  
> 27\. Life Lived In The Tabloids (Part 18)  
> 28\. Tokyo Calling (Part 25)  
> 29\. Prudence Chastity (Part 19)  
> 30\. William (Part 29)  
> 31\. Hold On For One More Day (Part 31)
> 
> Welcome to any new readers who have stumbled into this universe. The more the merrier.
> 
> Arrow and its characters do not belong to me.

Artwork by Lademonessa

 

Oliver was setting the dining room table when Donna and Quentin arrived. He heard Donna squealing with excitement about how Felicity had popped overnight. Oliver smiled at the truth of his mother-in-law’s words. Felicity had gone to sleep with a seemingly flat stomach and woke up with a pronounced baby bump. He returned to the kitchen to find his father-in-law drinking a cup of coffee as he listened to Bobby tell him a story about the Flash. Tommy was standing over the stove keeping an eye on the pancakes as he listened to their son’s fantastical tale.

“Table’s all set,” Oliver told Tommy as he gave him a quick kiss, “is there anything else I can help you with?”

“Just finishing up the pancakes. Everything else is staying warm in the oven.” Tommy glanced at the clock, “You can call our sister and see where she is.”

“She is, right here,” Thea said as she stepped into the kitchen.

Tommy’s face lit up with a smile, “Good, she can watch these pancakes while I snuggle my niece.” Thea rolled her eyes as Tommy kissed her cheek and made a beeline for the baby carrier Roy was holding. He lifted the sleeping infant and cradled her in his arms, “Hi, Mia. How’s my favorite girl?”

“Gheez, Speedy,” Oliver said as he smiled over Tommy’s shoulder, “do you think she has enough pink on?” Oliver’s finger’s trailed over the ocean of pink lace his newborn niece was dressed in.

“Your mother-in-law bought that,” Roy said as he lifted Bobby into his arms.

“She looks like a cupcake,” Oliver said as he grinned at his niece.

“A beautiful cupcake,” Donna said as she entered the kitchen. “Don’t listen to your mean uncle, Mia. You’re gorgeous. Now hand me that little nugget.”

Tommy reluctantly handed his niece over to Donna. “All right family, let’s eat.”

Brunch with the Merlyn-Queen-Smoaks, Harpers and the Lances was always a loud affair with lots of laughter and good natured teasing. The adults were sitting around the table drinking coffee. Donna, Felicity and Thea were discussing Felicity’s pregnancy and the men were discussing the youth center in the Glades where Roy and Quentin volunteered.

“After I drop the girls at home, I need to head to the hospital,” Roy said.

“Alex?” Lance asked.

“Yeah, they’re transferring him today. They’re concerned he might try again,” Roy said with a frown.

“Alex Romero?” Oliver asked with concern. He knew the kid from his patrols. He was quiet and stayed out of trouble. “What happened?”

“He tried to kill himself,” Roy said.

“His old man is in lock-up for knocking him around. I guess he didn’t take it too well when his son came out,” Lance said with disgust. “I’ll never understand men who hurt their own children.”

“His mom threw him out because he told the cops the truth about his dad. I don’t know what to do for him,” Roy said. “He thinks the world would be better off without him.”

“Maybe you could talk to him,” Lance said to Tommy. “He might listen to you since you’ve been there.”

The entire table went silent. Tommy smiled easily, “Sure, I’m happy to talk to him if you think it would help.”

Thea looked between her brothers and then looked at her husband. Roy shrugged, just as confused as she was. She turned to Lance, “Malcolm is a terrible father, but what does Tommy know about suicide? I don’t think he can help Alex.”

Oliver felt like the room was suddenly caving in on him and he couldn’t breathe. “Excuse me,” he dropped his napkin onto the table, “I’m going to go check on Bobby.”

“Ollie,” Tommy reached for his husband and grabbed his hand, stopping his retreat.

“I’m sorry, son,” Lance said. “It was a long time ago. I didn’t think it was a secret.”

“What was a secret?” Thea asked with alarm.

Tommy smiled at his sister, “It really isn’t a secret. You were only nine and no one wanted to worry you.”

Oliver wrenched his hand free from Tommy’s grip, “I need some air.”

 

It was all Oliver could do to keep from pushing past his parents and to run through the corridors of the hospital. His father was holding his mother’s hand and they both kept looking over their shoulders at him. His mom tried to smile reassuringly at him, but he could see fear in her eyes. He shivered from anxiety. _Don’t be dead. Don’t be dead. Don’t be dead._

It was the middle of the night and there weren’t many people in the corridors. When they got to the room in the ICU, two doctors and Officer Lance were waiting for them outside the door. He recognized Dr. Lam, but he had no idea who the other doctor was. Oliver stood in front of the glass wall and watched a nurse check Tommy’s vitals as he listened to the doctors and Laurel’s dad speak softly to his parents and say things like – _Fractured cheekbone – Old bruises – Healed ribs - Overdose – Anti-depressants - Carbon monoxide - Probable suicide attempt – Housekeeper found him – Unable to locate his father_.

When Oliver’s father had woken him and told him to get dressed because Tommy had been admitted to the hospital, he’d become dizzy with fear. He thought Malcolm had returned sooner than expected and had finally succeeded in putting his son in the hospital. Not once did Oliver ever think that Tommy could be in the hospital because he’d hurt himself. Tommy would never do that – to himself, to Oliver or to Thea. Oliver’s palm itched with the need to feel Tommy’s warm skin beneath his own.

“You’re wrong,” Oliver said without taking his eyes from where Tommy lay, “he would never hurt himself on purpose. He wouldn’t do that.”

Robert squeezed Oliver’s shoulder, “Son, is someone picking on Tommy at school? Do you know who gave him all those bruises?”

Oliver barked out a bitter laugh, “No one at school is picking on him.”

“Is Malcolm hitting him again?” Robert asked quietly.

Oliver’s eyes went wide. Not since Tommy showed up with his first black eye had Oliver mentioned to his dad that Malcolm was hitting his son. Tommy usually avoided the Queen mansion when he had visible bruises.

“Laurel says Tommy gets into fights,” Lance said, “Sara says his dad uses him as a punching bag. Which of my daughters is being told the real story?”

Oliver wanted to tell them the truth – that Tommy’s latest round of bruises were because Malcolm had been displeased with his son’s SAT scores. He wanted to tell them what a monster Malcolm Merlyn was, but he’d promised Tommy that he’d never tell. He was also afraid that if Malcolm got arrested Tommy would be sent away. “Tommy’s got a big mouth and a gift for pissing people off,” Oliver’s words were bitter on his tongue, “he’s always getting into fights.”

“Do you know where he got the drugs from?” Lance asked, sounding every bit like the police officer he was.

“What did he take?” Oliver asked with genuine curiosity. Normally, Tommy didn’t take anything unless Oliver gave it to him, but the last few months, he’d been getting high more frequently and without Oliver. Tommy was spending most of his weekends high, partying and having sex with half the girls in their school. Oliver had no idea what Tommy could’ve overdosed on.

“Opioids,” the doctor said.

“Oxy?” Oliver asked as he turned back to look at Tommy. Oliver wasn’t a fan of opioids and had never given any to Tommy. Stimulants were Oliver’s drug of choice. He always wanted to feel more, but looking at Tommy, Oliver realized it made sense that his best friend would want to feel less.

“Yes, it could’ve been Oxy,” the doctor said.

Oliver knew that Tommy was in pain from his dad’s most recent beating and wasn’t overly surprised to hear that the drug in his system was a painkiller, “Try his dad’s medicine cabinet.” He turned to his dad, “Can I go see him?”

Robert smiled, “Sure. We’ll be right in.”

He entered the room and reflexively smiled at the pretty nurse when she squeezed his arm as she walked by him. Tommy was hooked up to several machines that beeped loudly. He had tubes up his nose and an I.V. in his arm. He looked pale against the white sheets and the large purple bruise his father left on his cheek matched the dark circles under his eyes. Shortly after his seventeenth birthday, Tommy had shot up five inches and he was suddenly all gangly limbs and painfully thin. Oliver thought Tommy looked more vulnerable at 6”1’ than he ever did at 5”8’. Oliver placed a hand over Tommy’s heart and closed his eyes as he was reassured by the strong beat he could feel beneath his fingers. He sat on the edge of the bed and held Tommy’s hand.

“Tommy,” he whispered, “open your eyes.” Tommy’s eyelids fluttered and his heart rate accelerated on the monitor. “I know you can hear me, open your eyes, Tommy.”

Tommy’s hand squeezed Oliver’s and his eyes blinked several times before falling back shut, “Ollie?”

“Yeah, buddy, it’s me.”

“Is my dad here?” Tommy’s voice was laced with fear.

“No.” Oliver’s fingers involuntarily tightened around Tommy’s, “Did he do this to you?”

“Don’t let them call him,” Tommy looked at the adults outside of his room. “Please Ollie, they can’t tell him what I did.”

“Tommy,” Oliver gasped, “did you – were you trying?” He couldn’t bring himself to say the words.

Tommy’s eyes slid from the adults outside his room to Oliver, “You have to get me out of here.” Tommy struggled to sit up, “Please, Ollie. Help me.”

Oliver placed his hands on Tommy’s shoulders and lowered him to the bed, “You can’t leave. The doctor said you almost died.” Oliver lowered his voice, “You overdosed on Oxy, you were drinking and you were found in your car with the engine running inside a closed garage.”

“I wasn’t trying to kill myself,” Tommy said looking at a point above Oliver’s shoulder and his hands twisted in the blanket.

A sharp pain pierced Oliver’s chest as he recognized the lie as it left Tommy’s mouth. Oliver forgot where they were for a moment and tenderly ran his fingers through Tommy’s hair, “Why? What happened?”

Tommy grabbed Oliver’s wrist. He squeezed his eyes shut, forcing tears from his eyes, “I’m so tired, Ollie.”

Oliver shuddered as a sob tore through him. He crushed Tommy against his chest and the two teenagers clung to one another as they cried. Oliver’s face was buried in Tommy’s dark curls, “Promise me, Tommy. Promise me that you’ll never hurt yourself again. How can I live if something happens to you? What would I tell Thea? We love you.”

Tommy pressed his face against Oliver’s chest and continued to cry.

A throat clearing had the boys breaking apart and wiping the tears from their faces, “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I need a moment with you, Tommy.”

“Stay,” Tommy told Oliver when he went to stand up. “Ollie, this is my psychiatrist, Dr. Andrews. Doc, this is Oliver Queen. Whatever you want to say to me you can say in front of Ollie.”

Dr. Andrews shook the hand Oliver offered him, “It’s very nice to meet you, Oliver.”

The doctor appeared to be their fathers’ age and looked about as compassionate as a grapefruit. Over the years, Oliver had heard stories about Dr. Andrews and none of them were flattering. Tommy had started seeing the doctor shortly after his mother died. As far as he could tell, the only thing the doctor had ever done for Tommy was put him on and take him off various anti-depressants. If Tommy had tried to kill himself, the doctor clearly wasn’t helping. A few months earlier, Oliver had found Tommy crying in the bathroom at school because he’d gotten a B+ on a chemistry test. Oliver had dragged Tommy out to the track so no one would see him having a meltdown about his grades and his dad. Tommy had been inconsolable and for the first time in nine years Oliver had asked Tommy what he and his psychiatrist talked about every week. Tommy’s response had been a shrug. According to Tommy, they mostly sat in silence for fifty minutes. He never told the doctor that Malcolm hit him. Oliver wasn’t sure what, if anything, Tommy had told the doctor about him.

“How are you feeling?” Dr. Andrews asked Tommy.

“Sleepy and my throat hurts,” Tommy said carefully. “Can I go home?”

“I need to decide if you’re a threat to yourself.” The doctor moved a chair closer to the bed, “Can you tell me what happened tonight?”

“My cheek was bothering me, so I took one of my pain pills.” Tommy started to pull at a loose thread in his blanket.

Oliver reached out and covered his hands. Tommy was a terrible liar and one of his tells was his inability to keep his hands still. When Tommy looked at him, Oliver smiled encouragingly.

Tommy continued his story, “I was studying and I lost track of time. The pain was distracting me, so I took another. The next thing I knew, I was in the ambulance. Honestly, doc. I wasn’t trying to hurt myself. It was an accident.”

“Thomas,” the doctor said patronizingly, “you took more than two pills.”

“I honestly don’t remember,” Tommy said apologetically.

“When you were found, you were inside the garage with more than one vehicle running.” The doctor leaned forward, “Do you know why you turned on so many cars?”

Oliver swallowed heavily. He was afraid he was going to be sick. Too many pills could be an accident. Turning on one car and passing out could be an accident. Turning on all the cars in the Merlyn garage couldn’t be an accident.

“Maybe I couldn’t make up my mind which to take,” Tommy offered with feigned innocence. “My dad’s got a lot of nice cars.”

“He was coming to see me,” Oliver explained.

“Tommy was going to your house in the middle of the night?” the doctor eyed Oliver with suspicion.

“Yeah, I had a fight with my girlfriend and I was upset. I called Tommy and asked him to come over. He said he’d come.” Oliver didn’t think anyone would think that Tommy was trying to kill himself if he was trying to drive to the Queen mansion.”

“Is that true?” the doctor looked to Tommy.

“I don’t remember, but if Ollie said I was coming over then I was coming over. It would explain why I was in the garage in the middle of the night.”

“I’d like to admit you to the pediatric psychiatric ward. I think we need to adjust your medication. Some anti-depressants can make teenagers suicidal. I’m concerned that the new medication we put you on last month is making your depression worse.”

“I’m not crazy,” Tommy insisted. “I’m not going to some nut job ward.”

“I don’t think you’re crazy, Tommy,” the doctor said kindly, “I think that you’re a very unhappy young man who is under a lot of pressure.”

“I didn’t try to kill myself. It was an accident.” Tommy was becoming increasingly agitated. “I’m not going to let you put me in a rubber room.”

“Tommy, you wouldn’t be in a rubber room,” the doctor said patiently. “If I think that you’re a threat to your own safety, I can have you admitted without your permission.”

“You mean committed?” Tommy accused angrily.

 “No, not committed, but I’m not willing to discharge you back to an empty mansion,” Dr. Andrews said evenly. “Are you going to hurt yourself again, Tommy?”

Tommy smirked, “I didn’t hurt myself, so how could I possibly do it again?”

“The Queens’ have the ability to make medical decisions on your behalf when your father is out of touch. I’m going to discuss our options. I’ll be right back.” Dr. Andrews rejoined Oliver’s parents and Officer Lance.

“You need to get me out of here, Ollie.” Tommy lifted back the blanket, “I’m not going to let them put me in a straitjacket.”

“Tommy, maybe you should do what the doctor says,” Oliver was worried by some of what the doctor had said. Oliver had been dismissing Tommy’s recent wildly erratic behavior when he should’ve been trying to get him help, “Maybe you should stay in the hospital until they fix your meds.”

“I’m not crazy, Ollie.”

“No one thinks you’re crazy, but you haven’t been yourself lately. Clearly you’ve been doing more than just staring at the doctor for nine years. It sounds like he knows what he’s talking about and he doesn’t think this was an accident any more than I do.”

Tommy sank back against the mattress and folded his arms across his chest. He turned his head away from Oliver and stared at the wall. Oliver’s hands slipped between Tommy’s folded arms and laced his fingers through Tommy’s.

Oliver was still holding onto Tommy when his dad’s hand landed on his shoulder. Robert placed his other hand on top of Tommy’s head, “How are you feeling, son?”

Oliver stood up. Tommy wiped the tears from his face and gave Robert a brave smile. “I’m fine. I’m sorry that they woke you in the middle of the night. I didn’t mean to worry everyone.”

Robert sat on the edge of the bed, “Did your father give you this bruise?”

Tommy touched his cheek, “No, sir.”

“How about your broken ribs?”

“My ribs aren’t broken.”

“Not now, but they were. Who’s been hurting you?” Robert squeezed Tommy’s arm, “Thomas, if Malcolm is hurting you, we can protect you.”

The easy grin Tommy gave his dad made Oliver sick to his stomach. His friend hid so much pain behind that smile, “Mr. Queen, my dad didn’t do this. I got into fight.”

“Who was the fight with?” Lance asked.

Tommy hadn’t realized the police officer had entered his room and flinched at the sound of Lance’s voice, “I’d rather not say, sir.”

Lance moved closer to the bed, “Was it Carter Bowen?”

“Carter?” Tommy asked with surprise.

Oliver snorted at the thought of Carter fighting anyone. When the adults turned to look at him he raised his hands in apology.

“At Sunday dinner, Laurel said the girl you were seeing broke up with you for the Bowen kid.”

Tommy looked away, “It wasn’t Carter.” Tommy’s face went red with shame. His former girlfriend, Beth Miller, was a nice girl who he really liked and she’d broken up with him because he was cheating on her, not because of Carter Bowen.

“Did you try to hurt yourself because of this girl breaking up with you?” Lance asked.

“I didn’t try to hurt myself,” Tommy said with conviction.

“The doctor would disagree,” Lance said.

“When can I go home?” Tommy asked Robert.

“Not for a little while,” Robert said kindly. “We need to make some decisions.”

“Decisions?” Tommy asked nervously. “I’m not getting locked up in a place like Arkham.”

Robert squeezed Tommy’s arm, “No, son. We’re not sending you to Arkham or anything like it. Moira is making some phone calls to get you into a rehab facility.”

“Rehab?” Tommy asked with alarm. He used the rail on the side of the bed to pull himself up, “I don’t need to go to rehab.”

Robert guided Tommy back into bed, “Tommy, if you weren’t trying to hurt yourself than the only thing we can think is that you have a problem with drugs and alcohol.”

“If I tell you that I was trying to hurt myself, do I have to go to rehab?”

“Were you trying to hurt yourself?” Robert’s face was neutral but Oliver knew his father well enough to know that he was concerned.

“Please, Mr. Queen. You know what will happen if I’m sent to rehab.” Tommy started pulling on his hair, “I’m trying to get into Stanford. The tabloids are going to be all over it. Oh god, the press. Do they know I’m here now?”

“Don’t worry about the press. I’ll take care of them,” Robert said reassuringly. “Right now, what’s important is that you get the help that you need.”

“My dad will never agree to sending me to rehab,” Tommy said confidently. “It would make him look like a bad parent.”

“Frankly, I don’t care how any of this makes Malcolm look.” Robert cupped Tommy’s uninjured cheek, “All I care about is that we help you get better so I can cheer at your college graduation, dance at your wedding and hold your first born. Moira and I are so proud of you and I know that Rebecca would be too. You’re going to do great things, Tommy.” Tommy held onto Robert’s arm and began to cry. Robert pulled Tommy into a hug, “It’s going to be okay, son. Everything is going to be all right. We’ll figure this out, together.”

Dr. Lam entered the room, causing Robert and Tommy to pull a part, “I just spoke with Mr. Merlyn. He has instructed that we send you home as soon as you’re ready to be released. He’s on his way home, but he’s sending one of his lawyers to come get you.”

“No, no, no, no,” Tommy mumbled under his breath. “Why’d you call him? You promised you wouldn’t call him.” Tommy shouted.

“Thomas,” Robert cautioned, “I need you to stay calm.”

“He’s your father,” Dr. Lam explained, “we’re required to call him.”

“If you’re released into satisfactory adult supervision, I won’t have you admitted,” Dr. Andrews informed Tommy, “but you will have to come see me six days a week until I’m satisfied that you’re no longer a threat to yourself.”

“Ollie,” Tommy pleaded.

Oliver moved to block Tommy from everyone’s line of sight, “It’ll be fine. You can come home with us, right dad?”

“Of course, he can,” Moira said as she walked into the room. “I’ve already called Raisa and told her to prepare your room.” She turned to Dr. Lam, “When can Thomas be released?”

“We’re going to need to run a few more tests, but we should be able to release him later today.”

Moira straightened her shoulders and in her most imperious voice said, “I trust the tests will be expedited so we can take him home as soon as possible.”

“Of course, Mrs. Queen. I’ll go order them now.”

“Excellent, thank you, both.” Moira said dismissing the doctors. She turned her attention to Lance, “Is there anything else you need officer.”

Lance placed a hand on Tommy’s leg, “Feel better, kid. If you decide you want to tell me who left that bruise on your face, you know where I am.” Lance turned to Robert and Moira, “If you care at all about this boy, you’ll convince his dad to send him to rehab. Somebody needs to make sure he gets help or the next time we see each other it might be at his funeral.”

“Thank you, Quentin,” Robert said tightly. “Tommy is like our son and we’re going to make sure he gets all the help he needs.”

“Write a list of things you need from your house,” Moira told Tommy as she tamed his curls by running her fingers through his hair, “you’ll be staying with us for the foreseeable future.” Moira placed a kiss to Tommy’s forehead. “Robert and I are going to call your dad and tell him it isn’t necessary for him to come home and that you will be staying with us and not a lawyer.”

“Thank you,” Tommy said with obvious relief.

Oliver waited for the adults to leave the room before he returned to his spot on the edge of the bed. He leaned in close and locked eyes with Tommy, “We’re going to deal with whatever shit you’re going through that made you do something this stupid, but, no matter how much I love you, if you ever try something like this again, I will never forgive you. Do you understand?”

“Ollie,” Tommy’s eyes welled with tears.

“I will never leave you,” Oliver dropped his forehead to Tommy’s, “don’t you dare leave me. Promise me.”

Tommy clutched the front of Oliver’s sweater, “I promise, Ollie. Okay? Just don’t be mad at me.”

Oliver sat up, “I’m going to go to your place to get your stuff and to flush your stash. No more using, for either of us.”

Tommy yawned, “Okay.”

Oliver squeezed his hand, “Get some sleep, I’ll be back before you wake up.”

“Don’t go,” Tommy gripped his hand, “I don’t want to close my eyes yet.”

“Okay, buddy,” Oliver nodded, “I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Bobby giggled as Hildy dropped her purple ball in front of him. He picked up the ball in his small pudgy hands and did his best to throw it. “Go get it,” Oliver instructed the large red dog. She dutifully trotted after the ball that had only managed to roll four feet. She dropped it in front of Bobby and he clapped his hands in delight.

More than anything, Oliver wanted to crush their son to his chest and never let him go. He hated to think about how close they’d come to never having their life. To not having their son or the baby growing in Felicity’s womb. He knew that by running out, Tommy would think that he was still angry about what had happened all those years ago, but it was more than anger with his husband, he was angry with himself. He’d promised Tommy that he’d never leave him, but Oliver had come close to taking his own life on more than one occasion when he was on Lian Yu. He’d told Tommy almost everything that happened during those five years, but he’d never told him how he’d almost broken his own promise.

Oliver glanced over his shoulder at the sound of the garden door opening. “Bobby,” Tommy held his arms out to his son, “Grandma has a cookie for you and she wants to know what you want for your birthday next week.”

“Dada,” Bobby dropped Hildy’s ball and toddled to the edge of the grass where Oliver scooped him up, placed a wet kiss on his cheek that left him giggling and squirming as he passed him to Tommy who had knelt down at the edge of the stone deck. Tommy momentarily disappeared back into the house to deliver their son to his grandmother and her promise of a cookie.

Oliver was tossing Hildy’s ball when Tommy returned to the garden. He sat on the edge of the patio with his feet dangling over the side and watched Oliver throw the ball, “Are you okay?”

Oliver arched a brow, “Are you?”

“It was a long time ago, Ollie.” Tommy sighed, “A lifetime ago.”

Oliver threw the ball, “It feels like yesterday.”

“It was hardly yesterday,” Tommy held out a hand towards his husband.

Oliver shook his head and Tommy lowered his hand, “If it wasn’t for Mrs. O’Donnell’s head cold and wanting a cup of tea in the middle of the night, I would’ve spent the last twenty-one years without you.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Tommy snapped. “I look at everything I have now and how desperate I was then and that I could’ve thrown all of it away because I didn’t think I had another day left in me.”

“I’ve had a lot of bad days in my life, Tommy.” Oliver moved to stand between his legs and rested his hands on Tommy’s thighs, “That walk through the hospital when I thought there was a chance that you were dead is still in my top three worst days.”

Tommy placed his hands on Oliver’s chest, “If I could take it back so you would never have lived that moment, I would.”

Oliver lowered his head, “There’s something I need to tell you. I want you to know I understand why you did what you did. When I was on Lian Yu…”

“Hey, big brothers,” Thea said as she stepped onto the patio, “am I interrupting anything?”

Oliver moved to step away from Tommy, but Tommy grabbed his belt. Oliver looked up at his sister, “What’s up, Speedy?”

Thea moved to stand next to Oliver. She tapped Tommy’s knee and crooked her finger. He hopped off the ledge and she immediately stepped into his arms. She wrapped her arms around his waist and began to cry. Tommy cradled the back of her head with one hand as he rubbed her back with the other, “I’m okay, Thea. It was a long time ago.”

She held her brother tighter as she rubbed her nose against his shirt, “I don’t know why I’m so upset. I think it’s my post-natal hormones.”

“You’re allowed to be upset,” Tommy said gently. “I’m sorry you had to hear about it this way. I’m sorry you had to hear about it at all.”

“How did I never know about this?” Thea asked as she stepped out of her brother’s arms. “The press had to eat this story up.”

“Dad paid off some people,” Oliver said, “it never made the papers.”

“Tommy, what happened?” Thea wrapped her arms around herself, “I know that things were complicated back then – your dad – Ollie, but to try and kill yourself? My whole life, you’ve been my rock. How did I not know that you were in so much pain?”

Tommy ran his hand over the top of Thea’s head, “I didn’t want you to know. At first, because you were too young and there was no way you could or should understand. Later, when you were older, I didn’t want you to worry that I’d try it again. You’d already lost Ollie and I didn’t want you worrying that you’d lose me too. Once Ollie came home, I didn’t think that it mattered anymore.”

“You only tried the one time?” Thea asked.

“Once was enough,” Oliver said through gritted teeth.

“I only tried it once,” Tommy said ignoring Oliver. “It was an incredibly stupid and selfish thing to do. All I can tell you is that I was seriously messed up at the time. I was drinking too much. I was doing drugs. I was on an anti-depressant that was interacting with the acne meds Malcolm insisted I take. Things were bad with my dad. I was stressed out that I wasn’t going to get into any of the schools Malcolm wanted me to apply to. My girlfriend had broken up with me. I was confused about my sexuality and my feelings for my best friend. I was tired of pretending that everything was fine. For one moment the thought of being dead made me feel at peace.”

Thea wiped at the tears falling from her eyes, “Didn’t you think about how devastated Ollie and I would be? I would’ve been heartbroken. Even before I knew you were my brother, I loved you like you were my brother.”

Tommy pulled a clean tissue from his pocket and wiped Thea’s face, “No, I didn’t think about anyone but myself. It wasn’t until Ollie and your parents walked into my hospital room that I remembered that I did have people who loved me and who would be hurt by my decision. No matter how hard things got after that, I never thought about killing myself again because I knew that I couldn’t do it to you or to Ollie.”

“The summer before your senior year,” Thea said as realization began to dawn on her. “You lived with us for six months. That summer you never went out. You guys were always home. Laurel and Sara would come over and we’d watch Disney movies.” She looked at Oliver, “You said it was because you wanted to spend time with me before you went to college.”

Oliver threw the ball for Hildy, “We were trying to keep him out of rehab. Mom and dad told us that if either of us used that summer, they’d make sure Tommy got sent to rehab. We were worried that Malcolm would send him away.”

Thea appeared confused, “Rehab for suicide?”

Tommy looked at Oliver who lifted one shoulder in resignation. Tommy took hold of Thea’s hand, “I had a doctor who prescribed me painkillers for my Malcolm related injuries. I washed down a bottle of Oxy with some Jack and decided to take a nap in my car after I turned on all the cars in the garage.”

Thea’s knees buckled, only Oliver’s quick reflexes kept her from falling to the ground. He lowered her to a chair. “Put your head between your knees,” he instructed as he rubbed her back.

Tommy knelt in front of her and held onto her calves, “Thea?”

“I didn’t actually think about how you did it,” Thea said without looking up. “You really wanted to be dead.” She locked her tear filled eyes with his, “Why aren’t you dead?”

Tommy stroked the back of her head, “The housekeeper woke up with a cold. She went to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. When I passed out, I fell against the car horn. She heard the noise and went to look. She opened the garage doors, called 911 and forced hydrogen peroxide down my throat to make me vomit. She saved my life.”

“Where is she? I want to give her a hug and a billion dollars?” Thea asked with a watery smile.

Tommy smiled sadly, “I don’t know where she is. When I moved back home, she was gone – in a show of gratitude, Malcolm fired her.”

“She’s in Coast City,” Oliver said softly.

“What?” Tommy asked in surprise.

“After Malcolm fired her, mom and dad bought her a house on the beach in Coast City and gave her a million dollars. Since mom died, I’ve been checking in on her. She sold the house and is now living in Assisted Living with a private nurse.”

“That we pay for,” Tommy said with awe.

“Yes, that we pay for.”

“I love you,” Tommy said to Oliver who nodded in response.

“I don’t understand. If you were addicted to Oxy, why didn’t mom and dad send you to rehab?” Thea eyed them skeptically, “You spent most of your senior year and all of college high – both of you did. Why didn’t mom and dad ever send you to rehab?”

Right before Thanksgiving of his senior year, Robert had started another affair and his parent’s marriage had become strained. Oliver shrugged, “Because our parents got caught up in their own stuff and they didn’t have the ability to focus on what Tommy and I got up to.”

“I wasn’t really addicted to Oxy. I never used it to get high. Eventually, Malcolm came home and he made me return to his house,” Tommy said with regret. “He didn’t want the scandal of having a fuck-up son in rehab – not before I got into college. He was disappointed I didn’t succeed. I couldn’t even manage to kill myself.”

“Don’t,” Oliver growled, “joke about it.”

“Malcolm didn’t want you dead,” Thea said. “In his own twisted way, he loves you.”

Tommy smiled sadly, “I’m going to have to disagree with you. He might think he loves me, loves us, but he’s incapable of it. Malcolm only loves Malcolm. I’m almost forty and by most people’s opinion, I’m pretty successful, but dear old dad still thinks I’m a colossal fuck-up.”

“How did the three of us turn out so normal?” Thea asked trying to keep a straight face.

Her brothers were less successful and started laughing. Tommy kissed the top of her head, “Ollie and I might be normal, but the jury is still out on you. You put mayo on your french fries, that’s just not normal.”

Thea laughed, “Your father-in-law made his famous tiramisu and since I’m nursing, I’m going to have two portions.” She stood on her tiptoes and kissed each of her brothers, “I love you, guys.”

Oliver moved to follow Thea into the house, but Tommy grabbed hold of his arm, “You wanted to tell me something about Lian Yu.”

Oliver cupped his husband’s face and kissed him gently, “It will keep until later. Our pregnant wife is alone with a tiramisu and our sister is about to tell her she’s eating two portions.”

Tommy pretended to shudder, “Sugar and caffeine. She’ll be up all night scrubbing the bathroom with her toothbrush.”

The men stepped back into the house and Bobby ran into Tommy’s arms with a huge smile, “Dada. Daddy. Grandpa said I could get drums for my birthday.”

Tommy and Oliver’s heads whipped towards Quentin who grinned at them, “Drums -  with cymbals.”

Thea leaned towards them and stage whispered, “That seems more than fair.”

Tommy and Oliver sighed with resignation.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Kudos and comments are always welcomed and appreciated. Hearing from you is my favorite part of the day.
> 
> When I started this series this was my head canon for Tommy in this universe. I never thought I'd write about it because I never dreamed that there would be a Part 5, let alone a Part 31, to this series. This installment is very close to my heart. One of my dearest friends took his own life the summer before our senior year in college. We grew up together and he was incredibly smart, kind and never failed to make me smile. He choose to end his life for many complicated reasons, but one of the reasons was that he was gay and he was afraid that he'd never be accepted and that he would disappoint the people he loved for just being himself. There isn't a day that I don't think about him and miss him and wish I had one more chance to tell him how much he was loved for just being himself.
> 
> Any ideas or prompts for what you'd like to read in this universe are always welcome. You have been sharing some great ideas - please keep them coming.
> 
> On another note, I launched my new Olicity fic, The Sword and The Shield, under my other author name - wordscreatereality. If you are so inclined, I'd love for you to join me on this season 3 rewrite. Chapter 2 will be posted on Sunday. http://archiveofourown.org/works/7008718/chapters/15959470


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